Find your way out if you feel assed. That is it.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Fuck. I felt like crap. I don't know why I'm feeling like this. It's like, I don't think I'm appreciated by people. And that's sad. Seriously, I don't know why I'm feeling that way. Sometimes I feel that I'm too demanding with myself. And when I don't meet my expectations, I gets really dejected. But most of the times, I'm too easy with it. You know, skipping school and stuff. And there are even times when I get caught in between the both, I'm like tearing apart. The feeling sucks. I don't know what are my goals. `Cos even if I do, nobody really agrees with what I do. Fuck, I feel like I don't even have the choice to choose. I don't know what I'm living for, seriously. I don't know what's my worth. I don't know what I can do. I don't what I'm good at. You know, this kinda feeling makes me feel so diminished that I feel so dead inside.

I seldom write stuff like this in my blog. `Cos most of the time, this blog has already changed its purpose to entertaining people. It's not a diary anymore. Because I'm always the one people rush for comfort and stuff, I have to be strong. But no, I can't be strong at all times. (oh well, maybe...) There are times that I'll just fall and left maimed. Sometimes I feel like I don't even have the choice of lamenting about my life. Just because I'm me. I'm always smiling and laughing. I'm always cheering people up. I'm always so easy-going and optimistic. Fuck it, no. There WILL BE times when I'll just succumb to it.

And another reason that I'll never show how I truly feel is because, I don't want people to say that I'm gaining attention or seeking sympathy. The more you try to explain, the more they're convinced. I've met too many of such people.

My life is not exactly wonderful, it's considered good. Especially when this part of me come embracing every moment that made me smile, I'm happy. Sometimes I'm so easily contented. Sometimes I'll ask for more. I know that I'm not exactly leading a hard life, but when you look deeper into it, there's just more than what you can see.

ps: please don't bother tagging. that's not the point of this entry.

Okok, (:

"Faaaaaahed" @ 4:28 AM